The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. 1. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. 2. You should write at least 150 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The table shows the employment of the workforce by percentage in Australia from 1989 to 2009 inacross six different industryies. It is clearly seen that the employment in some sectors decreased dramatically, while some industriesthe workforce employed in other industries increased significantly. To begin, the workforce employed in the Manufacturing industry declined sharply from 16.3% in 1989 to just 10.1% in 2009, representing a decrease of 6.2 percentage points. The Wholesale and rRetail tTrade industry also saw a singnificant drop of around 3 percentage points over the period, falling from 12.5% to 9.5%. On the other hand, the workforce employed in Property and bBusiness sServices increased remarkably from 8.6% to 14.5%., an increase of 5.9 percentage points. Furthermore, the employment in the Construction industry rose slightly from 6.2% to 8.9% over the 20-years period, which is an increase of 2.7 percentage points. The Mining industry also experienced a minor increase of 0.6 percentage points, rising from 3.5% to 4.1%. Interestingly, the employment in Education remained relatively stable at around 7% from 1989 to 2009. In conclusion, the employement by percentage changed varies inably across different industryies in Australia between 1989 and 2009. While the workforce employed in Manufacturing and Wholesale and rRetail tTrade declined significantly, Property and bBusiness sServices saw a considerable increase in employment over the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively summarizing the main features of the table and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure and the inclusion of specific percentage changes for some industries, which enhances clarity. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The use of cohesive devices could be enhanced for better flow, and there were previously noted spelling errors that have been corrected. The overall grammatical accuracy has improved, but further attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage is still needed. Structural changes made include correcting the subject-verb agreement in the introduction and adding specific percentage changes for all industries to provide a clearer overview. Additionally, transitions between points were improved for better coherence. For further improvements, the writer could work on varying sentence structures and expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow. For instance, transitions between points could be smoother, and the use of linking phrases could enhance clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the table show' should be 'the table shows') and incorrect article usage. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'workforce employed') and some spelling errors (e.g., 'dramaticly', 'singnificant', 'remarkbly'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the table and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some detail and clarity in presenting the data, such as specific percentage changes for all industries. To improve, the writer could include more precise figures and a clearer overview of trends across all sectors.
6.5

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