The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, summarising the main features of how unemployed people in the UK spent their time. Key strengths include the identification of major activities and a clear structure. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in presenting comparisons and trends, as well as addressing numerous spelling and grammatical errors that hinder understanding. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the vocabulary range and providing more explicit comparisons between activities. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear transitions, which hinder coherence. To improve, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each idea logically follows the previous one.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('spended', 'taking'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly affect the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical forms and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'tabel', 'unmployeed', 'unitd kingdome'). While some relevant terms are used, the overall lexical range is insufficient for a higher score. The writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to enhance clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of how unemployed people in the UK spent their time. However, it lacks clarity in presenting comparisons and does not fully develop the information. For improvement, the writer should focus on clearly stating the main trends and making more explicit comparisons between activities.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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