The table below shows statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in 2012 and 2013.

Part 2

5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

The table displays information about the top 5 countries with the most international tourismt numbers in the years 2012 and 2013. It shows the country name, the rank of each country, and the total number of international tourist visit. First rank is Frances. France ranks first for both 2012 and 2013. France recieived 83.0 million tourist visits in 2012 and increased to 84.7 million in 2013. The United States is in second place, wit hash 66.7 million tourists comearriving in 2012. In 2013, the number go uprose to 69.8 million visitors from other countryies. Spain getreceived 57.5 million international tourists in 2012, ranking number 4. The rank for Spain improved to number 3 in 2013, even though the total tourist number go down a litdecreased slightley to 60.7 million. China and Italy changed ranks between each other from 2012 to 2013. In 2012, China iwas rank 3 and hased 3rd with 57.7 million tourist visits, but in 2013 it dropped to rank 4 with almost the same number of 55.7 million visitor numbers. Italy hasd 46.4 million people visitors in 2012 and was rank 5ed 5th that year. NextThe following year, in 2013, the total number of tourists for Italy increased to 47.7 million, and the rank also go higherrose to number 4, replacing China. In conclusiion, the top 5 countryies for international tourists are France, the United States, Spain, China, and Italy. Except for China, all country hasies experienced an increase in visitor numbers from 2012 to 2013. Most country keepies maintained the same rank for both years, but Spain and Italy both improved their ranks in 2013 compared to 2012.

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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the statistics of international tourism for the top five countries in 2012 and 2013, which is a key strength. However, it lacks a clear overview and does not fully develop the main ideas with relevant comparisons or insights, which are critical areas for improvement. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing vocabulary variety. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing a more detailed analysis of trends and patterns, such as the reasons behind the changes in rankings. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion

What this means:

The essay presents information in a logical order, but the flow of ideas could be improved. There are some abrupt transitions between points, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For instance, phrases like 'In 2013' or 'Next year' could be better integrated to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, using linking words such as 'however' or 'furthermore' would help in connecting ideas more smoothly.

How to improve:

Use a clear paragraph structure
Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
Maintain logical progression
Use referencing effectively

5.0

Grammatical Range And Accuracy

What this means:

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the table display' should be 'the table displays') and incorrect verb forms ('recieved' should be 'received'). There are also awkward constructions, such as 'the rank for Spain improve to number 3,' which should be 'the rank for Spain improved to number 3.' To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.

How to improve:

Use complex sentence structures
Maintain grammatical accuracy
Use a variety of sentence patterns
Check for common grammar errors

4.5

Lexical Resource

What this means:

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'international tourist visit' instead of 'international tourist visits.' The use of terms like 'increase' and 'drop' is effective, but the writer could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'rise,' 'decline,' or 'fluctuate.'

How to improve:

Use a wider range of vocabulary
Demonstrate awareness of collocations
Avoid word repetition
Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately

5.0

Task Achievement

What this means:

The essay addresses the task by summarizing the statistics of international tourism for the top five countries in 2012 and 2013. However, it lacks a clear overview and does not fully develop the main ideas with relevant comparisons or insights. To improve, the writer could include a more detailed analysis of trends and patterns, such as the reasons behind the changes in rankings.

How to improve:

Address all parts of the task fully
Support ideas with specific examples
Develop each point thoroughly
Stay relevant to the topic

5.5

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