The table below shows statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in 2012 and 2013. Country | Number of tourists, 2012 (millions) | Number of tourists, 2013 (millions) | Tourist spending, 2012 | Tourist spending, 2013 France | 83.0 | 84.7 | $53.6 billion | $56.1 billion USA | 66.7 | 69.8 | $126.2 billion | $139.6 billion Spain | 57.5 | 60.7 | $56.3 billion | $60.4 billion China | 57.7 | 55.7 | $50.0 billion | $51.7 billion Italy | 46.4 | 47.7 | $41.2 billion | $43.9 billion
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively presents the data from the table, highlighting key trends in tourist numbers and spending. Key strengths of the essay include a clear overview of the data and a logical flow of ideas. The writer successfully identifies the main trends and provides relevant figures to support their points. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of analysis by providing specific percentage increases for each country, which would add more detail to the comparisons. Additionally, the use of linking words and phrases could be improved to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and ensuring proper pluralization. Transition phrases were added to enhance the flow between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical accuracy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, there are some issues with cohesion, particularly in the use of linking words and phrases. For instance, the transition between sentences could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. To improve, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect ideas, such as 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Conversely.'
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, phrases like 'biggest percent increase of the five country' should be corrected to 'the biggest percentage increase among the five countries.' Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and pluralization. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, with some effective phrases such as 'dominant for visitors' and 'significantly increased.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'country' and 'tourist,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance variety. Additionally, there are some spelling errors, such as 'spendins' and 'countrys,' which detract from the overall quality. A wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would improve the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the table, highlighting key trends such as the increase in tourist numbers and spending for most countries. However, it lacks depth in analysis and could benefit from more detailed comparisons and specific figures. For example, mentioning the exact percentage increase for each country would enhance the response. Additionally, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main findings more effectively.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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