The table below shows the number of temporary migrant worker in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The table provides information about temperorary migrant workers who were working in 4four different nations atin 2003 and 2006. Additionally, it shows the per capita number ofor thoese worker,s per 1,000 people in each country atin 2006. In 2003, Australia hasd the most temporary migrant workers, which isith a total of 300,000. This is much higher compared to Italy's number, thatwhich only haved 23,000 of this type of worker atin the same year. However, inby 2006, Australia was no longer the country with the highest number of temporary migrants. The number increased to 340,000, but the United Kingdom haved 352,000 temporary workers thisat year, becoming the highest. Italy see a very bigexperienced a significant increase ofin temporary workers between 2003 toand 2006. The number go uprose from 23,000 to 146,000, it iswhich is an increase byof more than 6six times. Canada havd the least migrant workers in both years, with 110,000 in 2003 and 160,000 oin 2006. When looking at the per capita number for 2006, Australia still topped the list, with 17.2 temporary workers per 1,000 people. Even though the United Kingdom haved a higher total number than Australia in that year, it only hasd 5.9 workers per thousand1,000 people. Same withimilarly, Canada, had only have 5.1 per 1,000 people although, despite a total number isof 160,000. Italy's per capita number was quite low too, at just 2.5 per thousand1,000, despite seeing a huge increase in the total number of workers from 2003.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by providing relevant information about temporary migrant workers in four countries for the years 2003 and 2006, as well as per capita figures for 2006. Key strengths include a clear presentation of data and a logical structure. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical resource. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between sentences, and enhancing clarity in comparisons. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are instances where transitions between sentences could be improved for better coherence, such as using linking words to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, instead of 'However, in 2006 Australia no longer country with highest temporary migrant', it could be rephrased to 'However, by 2006, Australia was no longer the country with the highest number of temporary migrants.' Improving the use of cohesive devices would enhance the overall clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'who working' should be 'who were working', 'it is increase' should be 'it increased'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequent errors detract from the overall clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and ensuring that sentences are complete and correctly structured.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'temperorary', 'differnt', 'worker' should be 'workers', 'go up' should be 'increased') and awkward phrases (e.g., 'this type of worker at same year'). The use of more varied and precise vocabulary would strengthen the writing. For instance, instead of 'see a very big increase', the writer could use 'experienced a significant increase'.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by providing information about the number of temporary migrant workers in four countries for the years 2003 and 2006, as well as per capita figures for 2006. However, there are some inaccuracies and a lack of clarity in presenting the data, such as the phrase 'this much higher compare to' which should be 'this is much higher compared to'. To improve, the writer should ensure that all comparisons are clearly articulated and that the data is presented in a more structured manner.
6.0

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