The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The table givprovides informations about the reasons why adults in the United Kingdom goes toattend art events over a period of 20 years. In general, it is clear that to enjoying the atmosphere becoame the most popular reason over the time, while accompanying children lost much of its popularity. In 1980, the most common reasons for attending arts events was to entertains the children at 45%. The other major reason iwas to enjoy the atmospheres at 38%. Interestingly, both higher mental stimulation at 8% and participation/expression in art at 9% awere less popular reasons. Over the next 20 years, the proportions changed significantly. By 2000, to enjoying the atmospheres increased dramastically to 56%, becoming the single most important reason. In contrast, accompanying the childrens dropped sharply to just 8%. The other two reasons, remained relatively stable at 13% and 23% for higher mental stimulation and expression in art, respectively. In conclusion, over the 20-years period, enjoying the atmosphere becoame a much more important reasons for UK adults attending arts events, while accompanying children becoame a much less populars reason. The proportions of the other reasons did not change much over the time.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, summarizing the main features of the table and making relevant comparisons. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and plural forms, as well as the use of more varied vocabulary and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in phrasing, and ensuring consistent use of terms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied linking words and phrases to improve coherence and providing a more detailed analysis of trends. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining formality throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, phrases like 'Interestingly' and 'In contrast' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('goes' should be 'go'), incorrect plural forms ('childrens' should be 'children'), and awkward constructions ('to enjoy the atmospheres become' should be 'to enjoy the atmosphere became'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'informations' and 'accompanying the childrens.' The use of terms like 'dramastically' is incorrect and should be 'dramatically.' To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim for more varied vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word forms.
5.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the table and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data and could benefit from more detailed analysis. For example, the mention of specific percentages is good, but the overall trends could be articulated more clearly. To improve, the writer could provide a more structured overview of the data and ensure that all key points are covered.
6.0

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