The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In thisese modern days, we can sees that many of the medias are focus more on negative news like, such as problems and emergencies, rather thean positive news. I am agree that this tendenscy is harmfull for the individuals and sociaety as a whole. Firstly, when people are constantly exposed to negativitye news, it can hasve a detreimental effect ton their mental healths. For example, if someone is always reading about crimes, natural disasters, and other bad news, they may started to feelling anxious and depressed. This can leads to stresses and other health issues, which is baddetrimental for individual.s. Moreover, focusing on negativitye news can also create a sense of fears and mistrust in sociaety. When peoples are bombarded with stories about crimes and conflicts, they may startedbegin to view the world as a dangerous and hostile place. This can leads to a decrease in socieal cohesion and an increase in tensions between different groups. On the other hands, if the medias were to focus more on positive developements, it could hasve a beneficial effect on individuals and sociaety. Positive news can inspires people and give them hopes for the future. It can also promotes a sense of unity and cooperastion, as people see that there are goods things happening in the world. In conclusions, I am strongly agree that the tendencys of the medias to focus on negativitye news is harmfull for individuals and society. It is important for the medias to strives for a more balanced approach, highlighting both the chalalenges and the positive developements in the world. Only then we can we creates a more positive and hopefull sociaety.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument regarding the negative impact of media focusing on bad news, which is a key strength. The structure is generally appropriate, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy, vocabulary usage, and the depth of ideas presented. The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms, which hinder clarity. Additionally, the vocabulary is repetitive and includes several misused words, which detracts from the overall effectiveness. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and enhancing clarity in phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of positive news and elaborating on the societal effects of negative news. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, the transition between discussing individual effects and societal effects could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and ensuring logical progression would enhance clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'can has', 'may started'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and review sentence structures to ensure they are correct.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misused words (e.g., 'tendensy', 'harmfull', 'society'). The writer attempts to use some varied vocabulary, but the errors detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoiding repetition.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that the focus on negative news is harmful. However, it lacks depth in developing ideas and providing specific examples. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the effects of negative news on society and provide more concrete examples of positive news that could inspire change.
6.0

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