The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The line graphs is showing the import figures of New Zealand from Australia and Japan between the years 1994 toand 2004. The y-axis represents the import figures in millions of dollar ands, while the x-axis shows the years. In 1994, the imports from Australia wasere around 2800 million dollars, which iwas much higher than the imports from Japan at about 2400 million dollars. The imports from Australia increased gradually until 1997, where itn they reached a peak of approximately 3400 million dollars. After that, ithey decreased slowly and reached around 3000 million dollars in 2004. On the other hand In contrast, the imports from Japan remained relatively stable from 1994 to 1999 at around 2400 million dollars. However, ithey started to decrease sharply after 1999 and, reached itsing their lowest point in 2001 at about 1600 million dollars. After that, itFollowing this decline, imports from Japan increased slightly and, reacheding around 1800 million dollars in 2004. In conclusionsummary, the imports from Australia was alwaysere consistently higher than the importsose from Japan throughout the period. The imports from Australia showed a gradual increase followed by a slow decrease, while the imports from Japan remained stable initially but decreased sharply after 1999 and thenbefore increaseding slightly towards the end of the period.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the line graphs and makes relevant comparisons, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing clarity by specifying figures, and improving transitions between paragraphs. Further improvements could involve varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more sophisticated language. The tone used is appropriate for an academic task, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be more varied to enhance the overall fluency. Phrases like 'On the other hand' are used, but more linking words could help in creating smoother transitions.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('The line graphs is showing' should be 'The line graphs show') and incorrect article usage ('the import figures in million dollar' should be 'the import figures in millions of dollars'). Addressing these issues would improve the score.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'imports' and 'million dollars.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or rephrase sentences to avoid redundancy. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graphs and making relevant comparisons. However, it could be improved by providing more specific data points and clearer trends. For example, mentioning the exact figures for the peak and lowest points in a more structured manner would enhance clarity.
7.0

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