The use of social media, for example Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, the use of social media like Facebook or Twitter has become more popular, and for many people, it replaces meeting face-to-face contact in real life. There isare both advantages and disadvantages to this trend, which iI will discuss now in this essay. The big advantage of social medias is that it allows us to connect and communicate with anyone at any times, no matters where they are located in the world. For example, with Facebook, I can send messages or have video calls with my friends or family who are living in another country, something that was not possible in the past time. Social media also makes shareing information, news, and photos so easy - —just a few clicks to post things on your wall, and all your friends can see it. So tThesee are all good benefits that social media giveprovides to us. But o On the other hand, I think there isare some disadvantages to relying on social media too muches. When we replace face-2to-face meetings with online chatting, we loosingse important human connections and real interraction and conversation skills. For ex:ample, it is not the same feeling to get "a 'like"' on a Facebook post compared to getreceiving a real hug or see realing a genuine smile on someone's face. Alsodditionally, many studies showing that spending too much time in front of a screen using social media can make people feel lonely, sad, depressed, and jealous when they see other people's perfect lifves online. In conclusion, while social media haves many useful advantages in ability to connecting us with people and shareing informations, but iI beliefve the disadvantages of it replacing real human contact are more significants. We should try to find a balancinge and still meet people in real life and not depend on, rather than depending solely ion online connections and chats. Real relationships are buildt by spending time together, not by likeing and commenting on the internet all days.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media replacing face-to-face contact. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were numerous errors that hindered clarity. The vocabulary used was generally appropriate, but spelling mistakes and repetition of phrases detracted from the overall quality. The flow of ideas could be enhanced with smoother transitions and more cohesive devices. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structures, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the lexical range by using synonyms for 'social media' and providing more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between points could be smoother. Using linking words such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('social medias is'), incorrect verb forms ('allow us to connect'), and awkward sentence structures. While the writer attempts to use complex sentences, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures more effectively.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'peple', 'disvantages', 'frends', 'significants') that detract from the overall quality. The writer demonstrates some range in vocabulary, but repetition of phrases like 'social media' could be reduced by using synonyms or paraphrasing. Expanding the lexical range would improve this score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media replacing face-to-face contact. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the conclusion could be more definitive. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and a clearer stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
6.0

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