There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the modern era, the youth face a lot of pressure to get good grades in school. Because theseof this, there is a growing tendency to suggest that subjects like PE and cooking should not teach anymore,be taught anymore, in order to make students focus more on theire studies. I do not agree with this point, as I will explain below. First and foremostly, non-academic courses are important too. They provide students with importarnt skills which isthat are useful in future life. For example, Physical Education teaches students about fitness and how to stay healthy. This knowledges will be very valuable in life after they graduate and begirn working. Similiarly, learning cooking skills at a young age will make ensure that they can cookprepare nutritionallyus meals for themselves and theyir familyies in the future. These are valuable lessons that cannot be overlook.ed. Furthermore, only focusing only on academics can negatively affect students' mental health. It leads to stress and anxiety, as the brain gets overworked from studying. Non-academic classes offer a break from all the studying and give the mind a chance to relax and refresh. This actually helps students perform better in academics in the longer run, because theyir minds stay healthy. Physical activities like PE are also good opportunity toies for socializing with classmates and makeing friends, which teaches important social skills. In conclusion, I firmluy believe that non-academic subjects should remain part fromof the school curriculium. They teach important life skills and help students maintain a healthy mind. Schools must strive to provide a well-rounded educateion that prepares students for all aspects of adult life, not just academics.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument against the removal of non-academic subjects, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of cohesive devices. The corrected version addresses these issues by fixing spelling errors, improving grammatical structures, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Further improvements could include providing more specific examples to support the arguments and varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Moreover' could enhance the flow of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the youth face a lot pressure', 'non-academic courses important too'). While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'importart', 'nutritionally', 'firmlu') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'student' and 'academic'). To improve, the writer could use synonyms and more varied expressions to convey their ideas.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position against the removal of non-academic subjects. However, the argument could be more developed with additional examples and clearer reasoning. For instance, elaborating on how these subjects contribute to overall well-being could strengthen the response.
6.0

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