There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of couples choosing not to have children. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include numerous spelling and grammatical errors that hinder clarity, as well as a limited range of vocabulary and sentence structures. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better linking phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific examples to support the points made and using a wider variety of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is minimal, which affects the overall coherence. To enhance this aspect, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('deciding', 'becoming', 'having'), subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. These errors significantly impact the clarity of the writing. While there are some correct structures, the overall grammatical range is limited. To improve, the writer should practice using a wider variety of sentence structures and ensure grammatical accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'advantajes', 'disadvatages', 'hav', 'careirs', 'dont', 'clothings', 'regrat', 'concussion', 'deside', 'carefuly', 'lifes') that hinder comprehension. While some attempts at varied vocabulary are present, the overall lexical range is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct spelling and expanding their vocabulary to include more sophisticated terms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of couples deciding not to have children. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the argument. To improve, the writer should ensure that each point is clearly articulated and supported with more specific examples.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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