These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, travelering to another country has become easier than before. ItThis has increased the tendency to travel for tourism. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this development and conclude that the advantages outweights the disadvantages. On one hand, traveling abroad more easily for tourism has some negative effects. Firstly, it can makcause environmental damageegradation in thisese countries. As more people visiting the tourist destinations, more transportation and accommodations are required, which results in pollutions. Secondly, high demand from many tourists can increase the prices of goods and services like, such as hotels, and restaurants, in thatese countries and, makeing it difficult for the locals to afford. On the other hand, rising tourism has more advantages. One significant benefit of iis that ist boosts the economy of the country visited. Tvisited country. The tourism industry creates many Jjobs for local peoples, such as tour guides, hotel staffs, and transportation providers. It also brings a lot of money to the economy from foreign visitors. Another advantage is that it promotes cultural exchanges. Tourists have opportunities to learn about new Ccultures and traditions, which can enhance mutual understanding and communication between people from different countries. In conclusion, while growing tourism causes some negative effects like pollution and high prices, iI believe that the advantages are more significant. Tourism greatly benefits the economy and Jjobs creation, as well as increases cultural exchange and understanding. Therefore, overall, it is a positive development that people can traveling to other countries for tourism more easily than before.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant points. However, critical areas for improvement include clarity in the thesis statement and conclusion, as well as grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and refining the thesis statement for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include providing specific examples to support points and varying sentence structures more effectively. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. Additionally, the use of linking phrases could help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('traveler to another country become easier'), incorrect verb forms ('outweights' should be 'outweighs'), and punctuation mistakes. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors detract from the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and consider varying sentence structures more effectively.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'traveler' instead of 'traveling' and 'accomodations' instead of 'accommodations.' The writer uses some relevant terms related to tourism, but a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would enhance the essay. For example, instead of 'environmental damage,' the writer could use 'environmental degradation' for more sophistication.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, the position is not clearly articulated in the introduction, and the conclusion could be more definitive. To improve, the writer should ensure that the thesis statement clearly reflects the argument and consider providing more specific examples to support their points.
6.5

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