These days many people are copying famous celebrities from TV and magazines. Why is this happening? Do you think it is a good idea to copy celebrities?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this era, peoples are following famous persons from tvTV and magazines more and more. There isare some reasons for this thingsrend. I will talk aboutdiscuss why thatis is happening and if itswhether it is a good idea or not. F The first reason why people copy celebrety is becauseities is that they see them as successful. When peoples watch tvTV or read magazines, they see famous pplindividuals with nice clothes, big cars, and beautiful houses. They think, if iI am like that persn ion, I will also have thachieve success. SoTherefore, they want to copy to gethem to attain success to.as well. Another reasons is pthat people think celebs isrities are cool and want beto be as cool as them. The tvV and magazine shows portray celebreities as very stylish and interesting. So wWhen people see how they dress or look, pplthey think it, "It's so cool i; I should dress or look the same. They copy" Consequently, they imitate the celebrity style for beto feel cool too. In my opeinion, it is not a good idea to only copy celebrities all the time. Yes, maybe sometimes you can get some inspireation or ideas from them, and that’s ok. Butay. However, you cannot be an exact copy,; you must be yourself. If all peopleveryone only copyies, then all is same,everyone is the same, and there is no uniqueness. We need ppleople to be themself,ves so that then world iremains colorful. In conclushion, people copy celebrities because they want success and to be cool like them. BuHowever, it its no goodt beneficial to only be a copy of others. MOne must find youtheir own style and way in life. Being yourself is the most important thing.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as the identification of reasons why people copy celebrities. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed explanations and examples to support the arguments, as well as addressing grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that hinder clarity. The use of cohesive devices could also be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structure, and enhancing clarity while maintaining the original flow. Transition phrases were added to improve coherence between ideas. Further improvements could include providing specific examples of celebrities or trends to strengthen the arguments and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Additionally, the tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is minimal, which affects the overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on using linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples are follow'), incorrect verb forms ('hapening', 'must be you self'), and sentence fragments. These errors hinder clarity and comprehension. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'magzines', 'sucess', 'beutiful', 'intresting') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'copy', 'ppl'). While some attempts at varied vocabulary are present, the overall range is limited. To enhance this score, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why people copy celebrities and presents a personal opinion on the matter. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more detailed explanations or examples to support their points, such as mentioning specific celebrities or trends.
5.0

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