These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent times, there behave been more dads who stay at home with their children while mothers go working outside. There meare many reasons I think for this trend, and in this essay i, I will explain this trend and also sayede reasons behind it and also discuss whether ift its a good or bad deverlopment. One of the maine reasons for the fathers becoming stay-at-home parents is that, for meany familyies, the mother haves a better job and makeearns more money than then father. soTherefore, it is logical for the father to take care of the home and kids andchildren while the mother go eaearns for the family. aAnother reasons perhaps is could be that fathers want to spend more time and bound with their children, or maybe perhaps they cannot find a job while the mother findsecures good work. In my opinions, this is mostely a positive change. First, it shows theat womens can also be the breader wirnners and have goodsuccessful careers, whatich is good for gendrer equality. alsoAdditionally, when fathers takeing care of kids, they get chance tothe children, they gain a better understanding of how difficult it is, and howthe importent job of childcarring. it also good for wife and husbendance of the childcare role. It is also beneficial for husbands and wives to switch roles, so each otheras this allows each partner to understand the other better. For In conclusiong, I beliefve that the trend of fathers being stay-at-home dads is mostly a positive deverlopment in sociaety. iIt showdemonstrates that familyies can choose what works best for themselves and it helps achieve moregreater equality for womans in worken in the workplace. The only negative side may be if a father dones not want this role and is forcsed into it by sutuation, butcircumstance. However, in general i, I thingk it is good if it becomes more common and accepted for dads be to be stay-at-home parents.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and addresses the task by discussing reasons for fathers staying at home. Key strengths include a relevant introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical variety. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing vocabulary while maintaining the original flow. Further improvements could involve providing specific examples to support the arguments and varying sentence structures more effectively. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'there be more dad', 'the mother have better job'). These errors significantly affect the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'meny', 'deveropment', 'gendre', 'importent'). There is some repetition of words like 'father' and 'child', which could be varied. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for fathers staying at home and presents a clear opinion on the development. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and there are several grammatical errors that hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made.
5.0

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