This graph shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The graph shows the recycleing proportions of four materials in one country from 1982 until 2010. There materials represented are paper, glass, plastic, and aluminium on the graph. The vertical axis shows the percentage of recycled materials and, while the horizontal lineaxis represents the years. The percentage of recycled aluminium is very high, starting from 1982 with around 10% until 2010 itin 1982 and reacheding almost 50% by 2010. Paper is the second most recycled material in that country, with the percentage increaseing from 1% in 1986 to almost 35% in 2010. The percentage of glass being recycled is also increased over time, but show aed slowlyer progress than the recycled paper. In 1982, the percentage of glass recycle id glass was above 1% and reached 15% in 2010. There iwas only a small amount of plastic materials that were recycled in this country,; from 1982 to 2010, the percentage of recycled plastic is increased but didn't not surpass 5%. In conclusion, all the four materials showed an upward trend in the percentage of being recycled during the period from 1982 to 2010 in the country. The recycling of aluminium and paper recycling werewas much more significant than that of the glass and plastic, although the percentages of recycled glass and plastic bothalso showed an increasing trend as well.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and clarity of data presentation. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow of ideas, and enhancing the clarity of comparisons between materials. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and using more cohesive devices to enhance transitions between different materials. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing different materials could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly,' would enhance the clarity of comparisons.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('The graph show' should be 'The graph shows') and incorrect verb forms ('is increase' should be 'is increasing'). These errors detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'percentage' and 'recycled.' The writer could benefit from using synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like 'show a slowly progress' should be corrected to 'show slow progress' for better accuracy.
6.5
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the graph and making relevant comparisons. However, it lacks some clarity in presenting the data, particularly in the initial description of the materials. To improve, the writer could provide clearer comparisons and more precise data points, such as specific percentages for each material at key years.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."