Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, the number of overweight peoples is more thangreater than in the past. This is an unfortunate reality in modern times. In my opionion, the foremost causes of this comeissue stem from poor diets and low activity levels. This epidemic can also lead to some very badserious effects. Firstly, the primary reason of thefor obesity is that peoples eaten too much badunhealthy food. Fast food and sweets isare everywhere thisese days, and many familyies choose these unhealthy options instead of cooking at home. Additionally, the sedentary lifestyle haves become common. Too muchany people spend they'reir days sitting in front of screens, whether at work or during their free time. They do not excercise like inas they did in the past. This combination of unhealthy eating and lack of movement inevitably resultings in weight gain. The consequences of this epidemic isare disastrous. Being overweight is directly linked to serious health problems like heart diesease, diabetes, and even some cancers. This puts a burden not just on overweihght individuals, but on the society and the economy ats all whole. Healthcare costs goes uprise as more people requiringe treatment. Moreover, overweight workers may be less productive, leading to economic losses. We must not forget the emotional toll; many overweight people struggles with low self-esteem and depression due to these issues. In conlclusion, the obeseity epidemic haves roots in modern lifestyles and diets. It leads to health, social, and economyic problems that affect us in all. Unless we address these underlying causes, the situation is unlikely to improve. The gGovernments, schools, and families must work together to encouraginge healthful habits and makinge healthy food more accessible. Only by taking action we can we hope to reverse this troubling trend.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for causes and effects, as well as a relevant conclusion that reiterates the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the development of ideas with specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing clarity in word choice. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of how fast food marketing influences dietary choices and varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for causes and effects. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'Firstly' and 'In conclusion' are used, but more varied linking words would enhance the flow. Improving the overall coherence by ensuring each point logically follows the previous one would be beneficial.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the overweight peoples is more than past'), incorrect verb forms ('can also led'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misused words, such as 'peoples' instead of 'people' and 'unhealty' instead of 'unhealthy.' While some phrases are effective, such as 'sedentary lifestyle,' the essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to convey ideas more clearly.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the primary causes of obesity and its effects. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer explanations. For instance, elaborating on how fast food marketing influences dietary choices would strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
6.5

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