Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both the reasons for increased travel and its benefits. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples to support the points made, as well as addressing spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary and personal anecdotes to enrich the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' more effectively could improve the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are multiple errors in sentence structure and verb forms (e.g., 'allows to immerse', 'disconnecting from the stresses', 'traveliing benefits the traveler by provideing'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on constructing grammatically correct sentences and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'travling', 'advanteges', 'accomodations', 'cusine', 'incrase', 'provideing', 'accesible') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and checking for spelling mistakes.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for increased travel and its benefits. However, it lacks depth in the development of ideas and examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples or personal experiences to support their points, which would enhance the overall argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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