Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the modern world, advertising has become a powerful tool for businesses to promote their products and increase sales. Some people argue that the high sales of popular consumer goods are a result of advertising rather than the realgenuine needs of society. I agree with this view to a certain extent. One reason why I agree is that advertising can create a false sense of need for products. Companies often use persuasive techniques in their advertisements, such as celebrity endorsements or emotional appeals, which can make people believe they need a certain product even if they don' not. For example, a person may see an advertisement for the latest smartphone and feel like they need to buycompelled to purchase it, even if their current phone is still working fine. This showfunctioning well. This illustrates how advertising can manipulate people's perceptions of what they truly need. Moreover, advertising can also make products seem more desirable than they actually are. Companies oftenfrequently use glamorous or idealized images in their advertisements to make their products look more appealingenhance the appeal of their products. For instance, a fast food chain may showdisplay a picture of a perfectly-made burger in their advertisement, which may not accurately reflect the actual quality of the food. This can lead peopleconsumers to buy products based on falseunrealistic expectations rather than realgenuine value. However, while advertising does play a significant role in driving sales, it is not the onlysole factor. In some cases, popular consumer goods may also reflect genuineauthentic needs or desires within society. For example, a new medical device that improves people's health may becomegain popularity due to a real need for better healthcare, rather than justsolely because of advertising. To sum upconclude, I partially agree that high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising more than the realgenuine needs of society. Advertising can create false needs and make products seemappear more desirable than they are. HowNever, in some castheless, in certain instances, popular products may also reflect genuinepresent authentic societal needs or desires.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear position on the topic and relevant examples that support the argument. The logical progression of ideas and effective use of cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as enhancing the conclusion to provide a more definitive summary of the main argument and reducing repetition in vocabulary. The structural changes made include refining the conclusion for clarity and adjusting some phrases for formality and complexity. Further improvements could involve varying the vocabulary more extensively and incorporating more complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. Phrases like 'one reason why I agree' and 'to sum up' help guide the reader through the argument, contributing to overall clarity.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as the phrase 'to a certain extent' which could be more formally expressed, and some sentences could be more complex. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong, but there is room for improvement in complexity.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'persuasive techniques,' 'false sense of need,' and 'idealized images' demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'popular consumer goods' and 'advertising,' which could be varied further to enhance lexical richness.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. The writer provides relevant examples to support their points, such as the smartphone and fast food advertisements. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the main argument, which would enhance clarity and impact.
7.5

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