Universities should accept equal numbers of men and women in every subject. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree with that universities must exaccept equal quantitynumbers of male and female students in all subjects. This is becoause, it will givprovide equal opportunities to all peoples, no matter if, regardless of whether they are maen or women. It is important for the society and the country's development. The first reason is that, when we have diverse students in the class, they can share different perspectives and ideas. This will make the learning experience more richer and more interesting. For example, in engineering classes, if there are only men, they might not consider the needs of women when desingning products. ButHowever, if there are also women in the class, they can givprovide valuable inputs and makimprove the final design better for everyone. Secondly, accepting equal numbers of both genders will help to break the stereotiypes in certain fields. For instance, many people think that subjects like nursing or teaching are only for women, andwhile subjects like physics or computer science are only for men. But tThis is not true. By hachieving gender balance in every subject, universities can showdemonstrate that both men and women can excel in any field they choose. Of course, some might argue that we should accept students based onsolely on merit, not gender. And iI agree that merit is important. B, but iI believe universities can find ways to accept equal numbers of qualified men and women in each subject. They can encourage more women to apply for male-dominated subjects and vice versa. TAdditionally, they can also provide support and mentorship to help all students succeed. In conclusion, iI strongly believe that universities should strive for gender equality in all academic subjects. It will benefit the students, the universities, and the society as a whole. With diverse perspectives and equal opportunities, we can create a more fairer and more progressive world.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position in favour of gender equality in university admissions, which is a key strength. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the benefits of diverse perspectives in engineering and the importance of breaking stereotypes. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and addressing counterarguments in greater depth. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were numerous errors affecting clarity, and the use of a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and spelling mistakes. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs could also be improved for better flow. In the corrected version, I made changes to ensure grammatical accuracy, corrected spelling errors, and improved coherence by enhancing transitions. I also ensured that each paragraph had a clear topic sentence and supporting details. For further improvements, the writer could include more specific examples to support their arguments and explore counterarguments in greater detail. Additionally, varying sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better flow. For instance, the connection between the argument for diversity and the counterargument regarding merit could be more explicitly stated to enhance cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('I am agree' should be 'I agree') and incorrect verb forms. Additionally, the use of 'must except' should be 'must accept.' To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but contains several errors and repetitions, such as 'male and female' and 'man or women.' There are also spelling mistakes (e.g., 'except' instead of 'accept,' 'becouse' instead of 'because,' 'desining' instead of 'designing,' 'valuble' instead of 'valuable,' 'stereotipes' instead of 'stereotypes,' 'succees' instead of 'succeed,' and 'subjets' instead of 'subjects'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position in favor of gender equality in university admissions. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the benefits of diverse perspectives in engineering and the importance of breaking stereotypes. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and addressing counterarguments in greater depth.
6.5

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