Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Now a adays, children are using computers more and more. They use ithem for playing games, watching videos, chatting with friends, and doing homework. Some people thinks that using computers every day can have more badnegative effects on children than goodpositive effects. I am agree with this opinion. First of all, if children use computers too much, they will not have time for other important activities. For example, they will not play outside with friends or doengage in sports. This can lead to health problems like obesity and poor eyesight. Alsodditionally, they will not spend quality time with family and this, which can affect their relationships with parents and siblings. Secondly, children who use computers every day may become addicted to ithem. They may feel anxious or angry when they cannot useaccess a computer. This addiction can affenegatively impact their studies and social life. They may notstruggle to concentrate on their lessons or docomplete their homework properly. TFurthermore, they may also avoid going out with friends or participating in extracurricular activities. On the other hand, using computers can have some benefits for children. They can learn new things and improve their knowledge. They can also communicate with friends and family who live far away. However, I believe that these benefits are not as importsignificant as the negative effects of usingdaily computer every day. use. In conclusion, I agree that using computers every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. It is important for parents to limit the time their children spend on computers and encourage them to doengage in other activities. This will help children to grow up healthy and well-rounded.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position regarding the negative effects of daily computer use on children. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant arguments that support the main viewpoint. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in the development of ideas with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the negative impacts mentioned. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with smoother transitions, and varying vocabulary to reduce repetition. For instance, 'computer' was changed to 'computers' in some instances, and 'children' was replaced with synonyms where appropriate. Further improvements could include incorporating more specific examples to illustrate points, as well as using a wider range of sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between points could be smoother, and the introduction of contrasting ideas could be more clearly signposted. Phrases like 'on the other hand' are used, but further linking phrases would enhance the flow.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors, such as 'Now a days' (should be 'Nowadays') and 'I am agree' (should be 'I agree'). These errors affect the overall accuracy. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, with some appropriate terms such as 'addicted' and 'obesity.' However, there is some repetition of words like 'computer' and 'children,' which could be varied for a more sophisticated lexical range. Incorporating synonyms or related terms would improve the overall lexical resource.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that agrees with the notion that daily computer use has more negative effects on children. It presents relevant arguments and examples to support this viewpoint. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the negative impacts mentioned.
7.0

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