"Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?"

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In modern days, almost every children haves access to computers, and many of them use them every day. While there may be some positives to this, I agree that the negatives a effects far outweigh any potential benefits for young childrens. Firstly, spending too much time on the computer can lead to a sedentary lifestyle for young children. Instead of running and playing outdoors and getting exercise, many children these days just sit in front of their computers all day. This can lead to waieight gain and other health problems like obesity, which is becomeing more and more common among young people nowadays. In addition, using computers too much can eaffect children's social development. If a child is always on the computer, they will miss out on important opportunities too interact with other kids theire age. They may have difficulty developing social skills and making friends, which can have a lasting impact on theire lives. It's important for children to learn how to communicate and work with others, but if they are always on the computer, they won't get thisain these experiences. Finally, too much computer use can be distracting and eaffect a child's ability to focus and do goodperform well in school. With all the games and social media available on computers these days, it can be hard for children to resist the temptation and focusconcentrate on homework and learning. As a result, theire grades may suffer, which can have long-term consequences on theire education and future career prospect.s. In conclusion, while computers can be useful tools for leearning and discovery, iI believe that the negative consequences of too much use outbalanceweigh the positives for young children. It is important too limit children's time on the computer and encourage them to engage in other activities that promote physical, social, and intellectual development instead. Only then can they can grow up to be well-rounded and successful adults.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion that the negatives of computer use outweigh the positives for young children, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, including grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving word choice, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Further improvements could involve providing specific examples or statistics to support the arguments made. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For example, transitions between points could be smoother, and some sentences feel disjointed. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could enhance the connection between ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('every children' should be 'every child'), incorrect verb forms ('led' instead of 'lead'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'computer', 'children') and some misused words (e.g., 'effect' instead of 'affect'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that the negatives of computer use outweigh the positives for young children. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the points made. For instance, citing studies or statistics on health issues related to excessive computer use would strengthen the argument.
6.0

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