Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, computers have become an essential part of our daily life. Children are using computers more and more, both at school and at home. While there are some benefits to this increased computer usage, I believe that overall, the negatives outweigh the positives. On the one hand, there are several reasons why using computers can be beneficial for children. Firstly, computers can be a valuable educational tool. Many schools now usincorporate computers as part of their teaching methods, and children can utilise educational software to learn new skills and knowledge. Additionally, using computers can help children develop important technological skills that will be useful in their future careers. However, there are also significant downsides to childrens spending too much time on computers. One major issue is the impact on children's physical health. Spending long hours sitting in front of a computer can lead to problems such as obesity, eyestrain, and back pain. Moreover, excessive computer use can also have negative effects on children's social development. Children who spend too much time on computers may have difficulty developing social skills and forming relationships with their peers. In conclusion, while there are some benefits to children using computers, I believe that the negatives are more significant. It is important for parents to limit their children's computer usage and ensure that they engage in other activities such as physical exercise and social interaction. Only then will children be able to enjoy the benefits of computers without experiencing the potential negative consequences.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that the negatives of computer usage outweigh the positives. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples, such as educational benefits and health impacts. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples or statistics to support claims, smoother transitions between ideas, and a reduction in repetitive phrases. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions, and varying vocabulary to improve lexical resource. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and employing more complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, but there are moments where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing benefits to downsides could be more clearly signposted.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'a essential' (should be 'an essential') and 'childrens' (should be 'children's'), but these do not significantly impede understanding. More complex sentence structures could be employed to further enhance the grammatical range.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 'educational tool,' 'technological skills,' and 'social development.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'using computers' and 'children,' which could be replaced with synonyms or varied expressions to enhance the lexical range.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that the negatives of computer usage outweigh the positives. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as educational benefits and health impacts. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or statistics to support the claims.
7.5

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