Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I agree with thise statement that schools need to teach childrens about financial skillliteracy and money as part of they'reir curriculums. There are several reasons for my view. First, in today's economy and society, knowing how to spend and save money properly is a very important skill everyone should have. If people don't ge not learned this at a young age in school, they may grow up to be adults who struggle with finances their whole life and cannot manage theire money well. They might not know how to make a budget or a saving plan. They maybe end up in debt. This, which can cause many problems in theyir life.ves. Second, school is the bests place to learn these skills becuause not every children haves parents or guardienans who teach this at home. Some parents themselves don' not have good financial knowledge, so they cannot educate they'reir children on these topics. SoTherefore, if money management is made part of allthe school curriculum, then all students have an equal chance to gaimn these critical skill.s. Finally, learning about finance and money in school can help reduce social problems in the future like, such as bankruptscy and people in debt. If all citizens knows how to handle money well, then they will make better finanshcial decisions. The economy can also improve because more people will be investing and saving money instead of wasting it. Overall, society benefits from this knowledge. In summary, for all thisese reasons, I believe that school's have a responsibility to teach students about personal finance, budgets, saving, and other money topics as part of they'reir standard curriculum. Without this education, many people may end up in financeial trouble and not be able to achieve theyir goals in life.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument in favour of teaching financial skills in schools, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammar, vocabulary, and coherence. The revised version addresses grammatical errors, improves vocabulary choices, and enhances the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvement include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support the arguments and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical accuracy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For instance, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' would enhance the coherence of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect use of possessive forms (e.g., 'school's have responsibilty'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misused words (e.g., 'childrens', 'they're', 'bests', 'guardien', 'finanshial'). The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. For example, using 'financial literacy' instead of 'financial skill' would demonstrate a more sophisticated lexical choice.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of teaching financial skills in schools. It presents several reasons to support this view, although some points could be developed further with more specific examples. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or studies that highlight the importance of financial education.
6.0

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