We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the modern days, computers hasve become an essential parts of our lifves. They are being usinged in many different fields such as business, hospitals, crime detection, and even to fly airplanes. It is clear that computers will continue to be used more and more in the future. One area where computers will likely be used more in the future is in education. With the rise of online learning and educational softwares, students will have access to personalized learning experiences that can adapt to their individual needs and paces. Additionally, computers may also be used to automate grading and feedback, freeing up teachers to focus on more high-level tasks such as lesson plannings and one-on-one interactions with students. Another area where computers may be used more in the futuure is in healthcare. With the advent of artificial intelligence and machine learnings, computers could be used to analyze medical datas and assist doctors in makings more accurate diagnosies and treatment plans. They may also be used to remotely monitors patients and provide them with real-time feedbacks and advices. While the increasing dependence on computers can brings many benefits, it is important to also be aware of the potentials risks and drawbacks. One concern is the potential for job losses as more tasks become automated. Additionally, there may also be concerns about privacy and security as more personal datas is collected and stored on computers. In conclusions, while the increasing dependence on computers can bring many benefits, it is important to also be aware of the potential risks and drawbacks. As we continue to intergrate computers into more aspects of our lifves, it will be important to strike a balance between embracing the benefits and beeing cautious of the potential negative impacts.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the future uses of computers and their implications. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs and relevant examples. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and subject-verb agreement, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving word choice, and ensuring proper transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of how AI could impact healthcare beyond diagnosis and elaborating on the benefits and drawbacks of increased computer use. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking phrases to connect ideas, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition'.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('computers has become'), incorrect verb forms ('being using', 'to be use'), and awkward constructions ('the potentials risks'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the frequency of errors affects clarity. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and practice using correct verb forms.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'use' instead of 'used' and 'datas' instead of 'data'. The writer attempts to use some sophisticated terms like 'personalized learning experiences' and 'artificial intelligence', but more variety and precision in word choice would strengthen the essay. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring accuracy.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing potential future uses of computers and the implications of increased dependence on them. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, particularly in exploring the benefits and drawbacks. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, such as detailing how AI could impact healthcare beyond diagnosis.
6.5

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