We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying the causes of the trend towards a disposable society and suggesting relevant solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure, logical progression of ideas, and appropriate examples that support the arguments. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more varied cohesive devices to enhance flow and the use of synonyms to reduce repetition in vocabulary. Minor grammatical errors were corrected, such as 'one of the main reason' to 'one of the main reasons' and 'solution' to 'solutions'. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate specific statistics or studies to strengthen their arguments and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is logically organized, with clear progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. However, the use of more varied cohesive devices could enhance the flow even further.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'one of the main reason' (should be 'reasons') and 'solution' (should be 'solutions'), which slightly detract from the overall accuracy. However, these do not significantly impede understanding, and the overall grammatical competence is strong.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with terms like 'planned obsolescence' and 'consumerism' demonstrating a good range. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'repair' and 'old items,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. For example, using 'restore' or 'refurbish' could add sophistication.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying the causes of the trend towards a disposable society and suggesting relevant solutions. The ideas are well-developed with appropriate examples, such as the comparison between repairing and replacing smartphones. To improve further, the writer could include more specific statistics or studies to strengthen their arguments.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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