What are the benefits and risks of people living to 150?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, science and technology isare developing so fast, and people are living longer than before. Some people think that liveing to 150 years old has both advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits and risks of people living to 150. One of the main benefits of living to 150 is that people can spend more time with their family and friends. They can see their grandchildren and even great-grandchildren grow up. TAdditionally, they can also travel more and see more of the world. Moreover, they can continue to work and contribute to society for a longer time. On the one hand, this extended lifespan allows for richer relationships and experiences. However, there are also some risks ofassociated with living to 150. Firstly, people may suffer from more health problems as they get older. They may needrequire more medical care and support, which can be expensive. Secondly, the population may increase rapidly if people live longer, which mapotentially leading to overpopulation and strain on resources such as food and water. Thirdly, the pension system may not be able to support peopleindividuals who live to 150, as they may retire later and need financial support for a longer time. duration. On the other hand, these challenges could place significant pressure on societal structures. In conclusion, while living to 150 has some benefits, such as spending more time with loved ones and contributing to society, it also has some risks such aspresents risks, including increased health problems, overpopulation, and strain on the pension system. I believe that the risks outweigh the benefits, and that it is important to focus on improving the quality of life rather than just extending it.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and risks of living to 150 years old, presenting a clear position in the conclusion. Key strengths include a well-organized structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples or data, improving the use of cohesive devices for better flow, and correcting grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement, adding transitional phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' for clarity, and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Further improvements could involve incorporating specific examples to support claims and enhancing lexical diversity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing benefits and risks, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' could be used to better signal the transition between benefits and risks, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('science and technology is developing' should be 'are developing') and awkward phrasing ('may need more medical care and support, which can be expensive' could be rephrased for clarity). These errors affect the overall accuracy, but the meaning remains clear.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'overpopulation' and 'pension system' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'living to 150,' which could be varied with synonyms or paraphrasing to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, minor spelling errors like 'nowdays' and 'liveing' detract from the overall quality.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and risks of living to 150 years old. It presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that the risks outweigh the benefits. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or data to support the claims made, which would strengthen the argument.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?