"What food means to me."
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a personal connection to the topic of food, which is a key strength. The writer effectively conveys their feelings and experiences related to food, making the essay relatable. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammar, spelling, and coherence. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving subject-verb agreement, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of meals that evoke strong memories and expanding on the emotional connections to food. The tone used is appropriate for a personal essay, maintaining a conversational yet reflective style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'firstly' and 'secondly,' is helpful, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, linking the joy of food to specific memories would improve coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('Food are one of the essential thing'), incorrect verb forms ('I love to ate'), and sentence fragments. While the writer demonstrates some ability to use complex sentences, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on basic grammatical structures and ensure subject-verb agreement.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'delishus,' 'culturs,' 'familys') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'bring us joy,' 'make happy'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, such as using 'delicious' instead of 'delishus' and 'cultures' instead of 'culturs.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of what food means to the writer, providing personal reflections and examples. However, it lacks depth in some areas and could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on key points. For instance, discussing a particular meal that evokes strong memories could enhance the response.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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