What if the Earth was flat?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to address how a flat Earth would impact daily life. 1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear attempt to structure the response with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer presents some relevant ideas about travel and gravity, which are central to the topic. 2. Critical areas for improvement include addressing grammatical errors, enhancing coherence through better transitions, and providing more detailed explanations of the implications of a flat Earth. The original essay had several spelling mistakes and inaccuracies in reasoning that needed correction. 3. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing the clarity of ideas. The flow between paragraphs was also improved by adding transitional phrases. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on the examples provided, particularly regarding the implications of gravity on a flat Earth, and reducing repetition of phrases like 'flat Earth' by using synonyms or rephrasing. 5. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout. However, the writer should ensure that the tone remains consistent and that the arguments are supported with more depth and clarity.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the effects of a flat Earth on travel and gravity could be better articulated. Using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences would enhance coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement issues ('Some people thinks'), incorrect verb forms ('can completely changing'), and sentence structure problems. These errors hinder clarity and understanding. To improve, the writer should focus on basic grammatical rules and practice constructing clearer sentences.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'travell', 'direktion', 'carefull', 'difficulter', 'spherikal') that detract from the overall quality. The writer does attempt to use some varied vocabulary, but repetition of phrases like 'flat earth' could be reduced. To improve, the writer should focus on spelling accuracy and try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the topic of a flat Earth and provides reasons for how it would affect daily life. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and there are some inaccuracies in reasoning. For example, the explanation of gravity on a flat Earth lacks depth and clarity. To improve, the writer could provide more detailed examples and explanations of the implications of a flat Earth.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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