What problems do smartphones cause in our lives?

Part 1 (General)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In modern times, smartphones have become a very important part of our daily lifeves. Even though they help us do many things, I think they also create some serious problems that we need to think about. Fconsider. The first problem I notice is that people spend too much time looking at their phondevices. When I go to university, I see my friends always checking their phones during break time, and sometimes even in class they do this. This makes it difficult for them noto concentrate on their studies properly, and their grades become not so goodtend to suffer as a result. I have experienced this problemissue myself, because many times I want to study but then I check Instagram or TikTok, and suddenly onean hour is gone.has passed. Another bsignificant issue that I observe is that smartphones make us less social in real life. For example, when I meet with my friends at a cafe, everyone is busy with their phones instead of talking to each other. We are sitting together but not really togetherengaging, if you understand what I mean. This situation makes me feel sad because before smartphones, we used to have more rmeaningful conversations. Health problems are also becoming worse because of smartphones. I know many people who have trouble sleeping because they use their phones before bed, and I also getexperience headaches sometimes when I look at the screen for too long. My eyes feel very tired after using my phone for many hours, but I still continue using it because it's hard to stop. In conclusion, I believe smartphones create many problems in our daily lives, from making us waste time to negatively affecting our health badly. While we cannot live without smartphones in today's world, we should try to use them less and be more careful aboutmindful of how much time we spend on them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing several problems caused by smartphones, including time wastage, reduced social interaction, and health issues. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant examples that illustrate the points made. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity and enhancing transitions between paragraphs for better cohesion. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims and expanding the range of vocabulary used. The tone of the essay is appropriate for the task, maintaining a reflective and analytical approach throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific problem, which aids coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like 'Another big issue' could be replaced with more varied transitions to enhance cohesion.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'This make them not concentrate' (should be 'makes') and 'at cafe' (should be 'at a cafe'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors affect the accuracy of the writing. The writer could benefit from reviewing subject-verb agreement and article usage to enhance grammatical accuracy.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective expressions like 'trouble sleeping' and 'real conversations.' However, there is some repetition of words such as 'phones' and 'smartphones.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or paraphrasing to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing several problems caused by smartphones, including time wastage, reduced social interaction, and health issues. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or statistics to support the claims. Additionally, a clearer thesis statement in the introduction would enhance the overall clarity.
7.5

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