What problems does brain drain cause and what are possible solutions?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The brain drain is a bsig problem which happennificant issue that occurs when educated peopleindividuals leave their own country forto movinge to other places. This causes many issueproblems for the original country they leave behind. One major aeffect is that it mweakens the economy weaker. When lots of. When many smart and talented people go away, then themigrate, there are fewere is less peopndividuals available to work in important jobs likesuch as doctors, engineers, or teachers. This slows down progress and development because not enoughdue to a lack of skilled workers. Alsodditionally, the people who leave are often young people, so this, which means an aging population stayremains behind, which is bad forfurther negatively impacting the economy too. Another problem it causes are "is 'brain waste".' This ioccurs when highly educated personindividuals move to a new country but end up working in low-skilled job instead, likes, such as taxi drivers or cleaners. Their education and training getsare wasted then, so it's, resulting in a lose-lose situation for both countries - —the original country loses a talented person, butwhile the new place don't evencountry does not fully benefit from theire skills. There are some possible solutions to address the brain drain though, however. Firstly, the original countries need to make bettercreate improved conditions and opportunities for educated peopleindividuals. They should invest in research, createdevelop high-tech industries, and payoffer competitive salaries. This will encourage people to stay ing put. S their home countries. A second idea is for richwealthy countries to helpassist poorer countries in building up their education systems and economy. If theies. By provideing funding and expertise, ithey can uplift up the wholentire country and make lessreduce the incentives for brain drain to happensoccur. Scholarships for students to study abroad but requiring them to, with the requirement that they return, is another viable option. In conclusion, brain drain has many negative impact likes, such as a weakerned economy and wasted potential. ButHowever, by improving local conditions and fostering global cooperation, we couldan find ways to mitigatinge this problem. All countries must work together on this challenge for everyone's benefit.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of brain drain, discussing its problems and potential solutions. Key strengths include a clear understanding of the issue and a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the structure with clearer transitions and more developed examples, particularly regarding the impact of investments in research. The vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition, and grammatical accuracy needs attention, especially with subject-verb agreement. Structural changes made include refining the topic sentences for clarity and improving transitions between paragraphs. Further improvements could involve providing specific examples of how investments in research could directly impact the economy and using more sophisticated vocabulary. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a logical order, but the transitions between some points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the economic impact to 'brain waste' could be better linked. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the flow of the essay.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'this cause' instead of 'this causes' and 'it make' instead of 'it makes.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'big problem' and 'make the economy weaker.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more sophisticated expressions, like 'significant issue' or 'diminish economic strength.' Additionally, some phrases could be more precise, such as 'better condition' which could be rephrased to 'improved conditions.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of brain drain and discusses its problems and potential solutions. However, it could benefit from a clearer structure and more developed examples. For instance, elaborating on how specific investments in research could directly impact the economy would strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
7.0

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