"When it comes to healthcare, the phrase "prevention is better than cure" definitely rings true. This leads to an important debate about where a country's budget should be allocated - is it better to put a larger portion towards treating illnesses or towards preventing them in the first place through education and preventative measures?"

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, there is a big debate about how much of a nation's budget should be spendt on health. Some peoples thinking that more money needs to givebe allocated for treating sickness, but I strongly believe that focusing ion prevention bythrough education is more importancet. This essay will explain why stopping sickness before it happens is the best approach. Firstly, when the government puttingallocates more funds to teaching about healthy lifeving, it helps people know what to do forto avoid getting sick. For example, if schools tellinform students about the importance of eating vegetables, exerciseing regularly, and not smokeing cigarettes, childrens will learning good habits from a young age. Thisese kinds of habits will staying with them for life and lower the changeces of getdeveloping diabetes, lung cancer, and heart attacks whenas adult.s. Secondly, prevention saves a lots of money in the long- term. Hospital care and medicine isare very expensive, espaecially for serious diseases. If lessfewer people getting sick in the first place becausedue to good education about health, it means less money is needinged later forto pay doctors and buy drugs. In other words, a dollar spent on teaching about nutrition and hygiene today saves ten dollars on hospital bills tomorrow. In conclusion, iI strongly recommend that nations focus their limited budgets more on preventing sickness than on treating ithem. Good health education in schools and communityies will leading to a population with the knowledge forto avoid many common diseases. It is also much cheaper than paying for the care of sick people in hospitals. So putTherefore, investing money in prevention is a smarter investment for the better health of all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument regarding the allocation of healthcare budgets. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of the argument with specific examples or statistics, improving the range of vocabulary to avoid repetition, and correcting grammatical errors for better accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical issues, improving cohesion with transitional phrases, and refining vocabulary for clarity. Further improvements could involve incorporating more detailed examples of successful prevention programs and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for smoother transitions. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow between ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples thinking'), incorrect verb forms ('need to give for treat'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'big debate' and 'need to give for treat sickness.' The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms, such as 'allocate' instead of 'give' and 'address' instead of 'treat.'
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the allocation of a country's healthcare budget towards prevention versus treatment. However, it lacks depth in developing the argument and providing specific examples. To improve, the writer could include more detailed examples of successful prevention programs or statistics to support their claims.
6.0

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