When we meet someone for the first time, we generally decide very quickly what kind of person we think they are and if we like them or not. Is this a good or bad thing?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument against making quick judgments about people. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a relevant topic. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed examples to support the arguments, better transitions between ideas, and a reduction in spelling and grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting spelling mistakes, improving sentence clarity, and enhancing the flow of ideas with appropriate transitions. Further improvements could involve incorporating specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate points more vividly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reflective style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could enhance the logical progression of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a basic command of grammar, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and awkward sentence constructions (e.g., 'deciding quickly about someone is often be based on a limit informations'). To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'genrally', 'becos', 'judgetmens', 'beter', 'actully') that detract from the overall quality. The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling to enhance clarity and sophistication.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of making quick judgments about people. However, it lacks depth in developing ideas and providing specific examples to support the arguments. To improve, the writer could include more detailed examples or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points made.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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