Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this essay, I am going to discuss about the question of ifwhether achieving aims areis mostly becausedue to luck. There areis evidences and examples to support both sides of agrthe argument. On the one hand, many people may say that luck areis the main factor in success. For example, someone who wais born into a rich family will have more chances to be successful, because they can getaccess better education and have more opportunities. They may also have connections and a network that can help them in their career. In contrast, someone who wais born into a poor family will have to work much harder to achieve their goals, and even if they work hard, they may not be able to succeed because of a lack of resources and support. However, I believe that hard work and determination are more important than luck in achieving aims. Even if someone is lucky enough to have good opportunities, they still need to work hard to take advantage of those opportunities. For example, if a student haves the chance to go toattend a good university, they still need to study hard and get good grades in order to graduate and getsecure a good job. If they do not put in the effort, they will waste the opportunity and not achieve their aims. In addition, there are many examples of people who have achieved great success despite having difficult circumstances. For instance, there are many entrepreneurs who started with nothing, but through hard work and perseverance, they were able to build successful businesses. There are also many peoplenumerous individuals who have overcomed poverty and other challenges to become successful in their fields. These examples showdemonstrate that luck is not the only factor in achieving success. In conclusion, while luck can play a role in achieving aims, I believe that hard work and determination are more important. People who rely too much on luck may not put in the necessary effort to succeed, while those who work hard and persevere can overcome challenges and achieve their goals.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding luck and hard work in achieving aims. It presents a clear position that emphasizes the importance of hard work over luck. Key strengths include a logical flow of ideas and a clear structure with distinct paragraphs. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity in the introduction, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Further improvements could involve providing more specific examples and elaborating on points made to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point, and there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'on the one hand' and 'however.' However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion could better summarize the main points. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('luck are' should be 'luck is') and incorrect verb forms ('have' should be 'has' in 'if a student have'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'achieve' and 'success.' Additionally, some phrases are awkward, such as 'luck are the main factor' which should be 'luck is the main factor.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to convey ideas more effectively.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding luck and hard work in achieving aims. It presents a clear position that emphasizes the importance of hard work over luck. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the phrase 'discuss about' is incorrect; it should simply be 'discuss.' To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made.
7.0

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