Wild animals are becoming scarce these days. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to solve this problem?

Part 2
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

'The number of wild animals in our world is going down very quickdeclining rapidly. There are a fewseveral reasons for this, but I thinkbelieve the most importsignificant one is that humans are taking overencroaching more and more ofn their natural habitats. As our cities and farms expand, there is less andincreasingly less space for wild animals to lthrive. We are cutting down forests, polluting rivers, and buildconstructing roads through their homes. Another reasoncontributing factor is that some peopleindividuals hunt these animals for their meat, fur, or other body parts. This is often done illegally and can have a bigsubstantial impact on animal populations. For examplinstance, elephants are killed for their ivory tusks, and rhinos for their horns, which some people erroneously believe havepossess medicinal properties. To solveaddress this problem, I think we need to do a few thingessing issue, I propose several solutions. First, we need to createestablish more protected areas where wild animals can live without being disturbed by human activities. This meanentails setting aside land and making sureensuring it is not developed or hunted in. Second, we need to crack down onit is crucial to intensify efforts against illegal hunting and the trade in animal parts. This will require betterenhanced law enforcement and educational initiatives to reduce demand. Finally, we can all do our partcontribute by being more responsible consumers. We can avoid products made from endangered animalspecies and support companies that arprioritise environmentally friendl sustainability. In conclusion, the reductiondecline of wild animals is a serious problemissue caused by habitat loss and illegal hunting. To addresscombat it, we need tomust create protected areas, enforce laws, and make responsible choices as individuals. It will take a global effort, but it is important to protectvital to safeguard the incredible diversity of life on our planet.'
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying key reasons for the decline in wild animal populations and proposing relevant solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure, logical progression of ideas, and well-developed arguments supported by specific examples. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as incorporating more varied linking phrases to enhance coherence and using synonyms to reduce repetition of phrases like 'wild animals' and 'illegal hunting.' Structural changes made include refining the introduction and conclusion for clarity and impact, as well as enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include the addition of statistical data or studies to support claims and further diversification of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is logically organized, with a clear progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. Cohesive devices are used effectively, such as 'first,' 'second,' and 'finally,' which guide the reader through the argument. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. Sentences are varied in length and complexity, contributing to the overall fluency of the writing. There are no significant grammatical errors, but minor improvements could be made in sentence structure to enhance clarity further.
8.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Terms like 'habitats,' 'polluting,' and 'endangered' are relevant to the topic. However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'wild animals' and 'illegal hunting.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying key reasons for the decline in wild animal populations and proposing relevant solutions. The ideas are well-developed with specific examples, such as the hunting of elephants and rhinos, which enhances the argument. To improve further, the writer could include more statistical data or studies to support their claims.
8.0

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