Working Part Time Disturbs Students

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Working part-time it can be affect to students' study?ies. It is depends on the student's situation. Some student they ares working part-time because they need to earn money forto pay their school fees and daily expendses. Meanwhile, other students working part-time just wantsimply to spend their free time productively and getain some experience. In my opinion, i think working part-time it willcan disturb students if they cannot manage their time well. For example, if a student workings part-time until late at night, they willmay feel too tired and sleepy in class. It can make their study performance become worse. , which can negatively impact their academic performance. Furthermore, working part-time can also can makelead to students haveing less time to doingfor revision and homework. On the other hand, working part time also have many benefits for studentthere are many benefits to working part-time. Firstly, theystudents can earn some extra money to support their studyies and daily life. It, which can reduce their financial burden. Secondly, students can getain valueable experience and learn new skills from their part-time job. Its, which can help them to find a better job insecure better employment in the future after they graduate. ion. In conclusion, iI believe that working part-time will not disturb students if they can manage their time wisely. Students should makcreate a schedule and set priorityies for their studyies and work. They also need to choose part-time jobs that are suitable withfor their abilityies and not too demanding. If students can balance their studyies and work weffectivelly, working part-time can bringhave many positive impact fors on their lifeves.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear discussion on the impact of part-time work on students, addressing both the negative and positive aspects. Key strengths include the identification of relevant points and a basic structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of arguments, improving coherence and cohesion through better transitions, and correcting grammatical errors. Structural changes made include refining sentences for clarity, correcting grammatical mistakes, and improving the flow between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples to support claims and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impacts to the benefits of part-time work could be better signposted. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('it can be affect'), incorrect verb forms ('it is depend'), and punctuation mistakes. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical rules are followed consistently.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'student' and 'working part time'). Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'it can be affect to students study.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the topic of part-time work and its impact on students, providing both negative and positive aspects. However, the argument lacks depth and clarity in some areas, such as the explanation of how part-time work can be beneficial. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made.
5.5

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