Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

If I must choose between living in a traditional house or a modern apartment building, I will probably choose the second onelatter - ina modern apartment building. I have two reasons for this choice: amenities and cost. First of all, the modern apartment buildings haveoffer many amenities that make life more comfortable and convenient. For example, they have elevators, so you don't have to climb the stairs. They also have thingfeature facilities like swimming pools and gyms, which isare very nice to have. In a traditional house, you will not find these kinds of amenities. Second, living in an apartment is usually cheaper than living in a traditional house. The hHouses are biggenerally larger than apartments, so they cost more money, for buying and also foroth purchasing and maintenance. TheAn apartment is more compact and efficient so the cost, resulting isn lower costs. This is an important factor for me because I have a limited budget. In conclusion, I prefer to live in a modern apartment building due to the amenities and lower costs. It is more suitable for my lifestyle and my budget. Although some people may prefer traditional houses, for me, the choice is clear - the apartment is the best option.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a preference for modern apartment buildings and providing two relevant reasons: amenities and cost. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and improving transitions between points for better flow. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary variety, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of amenities and a more detailed comparison of costs. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between the points made.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'in traditional house' (should be 'in a traditional house') and 'which is very nice to have' (should be 'which are very nice to have'). Improving grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there is some repetition, particularly with the words 'traditional house' and 'modern apartment building.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, such as 'conventional dwelling' or 'contemporary flats.' Additionally, phrases like 'limited budget' could be expanded to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a preference for modern apartment buildings and providing two relevant reasons: amenities and cost. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or details. For instance, mentioning specific amenities or comparing costs in more detail would strengthen the argument.
7.0

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