Write a descriptive essay about yourself, including your background, personality traits, interests, and goals. Write at least 250 words.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

When I think about myself, I always remember how my journey started from a small town in my country. Growing up there gave me lots of good memories that I still keep in my heart until now. I am a person who really likes toenjoys learning new things, and this is why I decided comingto come to study abroad. My personality is kind ofa mix between being shy and outgoing. Sometimes I feel very comfortable talking with new people, but other times I prefer staying quiet and just listening to what others say. I think this depends much on the situation and who I am with. Many people tell me that I am a helpful person, because I always try doingto do my best when someone needs assistance. One thing that makes me very happy is discovering different cultures. I love learning about how people live in other countries, what kind of food they eat, and what traditions they have. This interest started when I was young, because my mother used to showing me pictures from different places around the world. Now I spend a lot of time watching videos about travelling and reading books about other countries. For my future, I have many goals I want to achieve. The biggest one is finishing my studies with good grades and finding a job that makes me feel satisfifulfilled. I also want to improvinge my English skills more, because I think it is very important for my career. Sometimes I worry if I can do all these things, but I always remember what my father told me: "Just keep trying and good things will come." In conclusion, I believe that who I am today is the result of all the experiences I have had and the people who helped me grow. Even though sometimes things are difficult, I stay positive and work hard to reach my dreams. I know there are still many things to learn, but I feel excited about what the future will bring.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear overview of the writer's background, personality traits, interests, and goals, which aligns well with the task requirements. Key strengths include a coherent structure and a personal touch that engages the reader. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and sentence structure, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing cohesion with appropriate transitions, and refining awkward phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include adding specific examples to illustrate memories or cultural experiences, which would deepen the narrative. The tone used is appropriate for a personal essay, maintaining a reflective and optimistic voice throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better cohesion. For example, using more varied cohesive devices would help link ideas more effectively. Phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Additionally' could enhance the flow.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, 'decided coming' should be 'decided to come,' and 'I want improving' should be 'I want to improve.' Addressing these errors and varying sentence structures would enhance the overall accuracy and sophistication of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing. For example, the phrase 'I am person who really likes' could be improved to 'I am a person who enjoys.' Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary would elevate the writing, such as substituting 'happy' with 'elated' or 'satisfied' with 'fulfilled.'
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear overview of the writer's background, personality traits, interests, and goals, which aligns with the task requirements. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and details to enhance the depth of the narrative. For instance, elaborating on a particular memory from the small town or a specific cultural experience would strengthen the response.
6.5

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