Write a formal academic essay on the following topic: Some people think that war is necessary to solve international disputes, while others believe that peaceful negotiation is the best way to resolve conflicts between countries. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In nowatoday's world, war and conflict are a bigsignificant problems that affect many people. Some peopleindividuals think that war areis necessary forto solve international problems, while other peoples believe that peaceful talk aredialogue is the best way to resolve fight between two countrieconflicts between nations. I will discuss both sides of this issue and give my opinion. On the one hand, war can sometimes be needed to solve very serious conflicts. If a country is attacked by another country, theynation, it may hasve no choice but to fight back to protect ithemselvef. Alsodditionally, if a government is treat theirs its people very badly, likesuch as killing them or put them in jail for no reasonimprisoning them without cause, then another country may need to use miliatary force to stop the bad maltreatment. In this case, war can help to bring justice and protect innocencet people. On the other hand, war haves many negeative effects. Firstly, it causes a lot of death and suffering, especially for civil peopleians who are not involved in the fighting. Many homes and buildings are destroyed, and people lose everything. Secondly, war costs a lot of money that could be used for more important things like education or healthcare. Thirdly, war creates hatered and anger between people that can last for many years, even after the fighting stops. In my opinion, war should be used only as a last resort, when all other options have failed. I thinkbelieve countries should always trying to solve their problems through peaceful talkdialogue and negoctiation first. They should listen to each other side's perspectives and try to find a solution that everyone can agree ton. Only if this is not possible, and there is a very serious threat, thenshould military action may bebe considered necessitary. To summarize, while war can sometimes be justified, I believe that countries should make every effort to resolve their disputes peacefully. War haves too many negeative consequencies and should be avoided if at all possible.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument regarding war and peaceful negotiation. Key strengths include a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a clear expression of the writer's opinion. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay contained numerous grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and issues with subject-verb agreement that hindered clarity. Additionally, the vocabulary was somewhat repetitive, and the writer could benefit from using a wider range of synonyms and cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and refining vocabulary choices to enhance clarity and flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support arguments and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a greater range of grammatical accuracy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout the discussion.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('war are necessary'), incorrect verb forms ('needed to solve'), and awkward constructions ('should be use'). While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing complex sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'war', 'people', 'country'). The writer could improve by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and using synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'nations' instead of 'countries' or 'conflict' instead of 'fight'.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views on the necessity of war versus peaceful negotiation. However, the arguments could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the consequences of war and provide more concrete instances where peaceful negotiation has succeeded.
6.0

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