Write a letter about a problem you are facing in your routine work.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses the problem faced in the workplace and outlines the request for assistance. Key strengths include a clear identification of the issue and a polite tone. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, the use of more varied vocabulary, and enhanced cohesion through better transitions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and adding cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include providing specific examples of how the software affects productivity and suggesting a timeline for the requested training. The tone used is generally appropriate, but a slightly more formal tone could enhance the overall professionalism of the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better connected to enhance the overall cohesion. For example, using more cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help in linking ideas more smoothly. The structure is clear, but transitions between points could be improved.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, such as missing articles ('a problem'), incorrect verb forms ('have try' should be 'have tried'), and awkward constructions ('very confuse' should be 'very confusing'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and range would significantly enhance the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'software' and 'work'). The use of phrases like 'dedicated employee' is positive, but more varied vocabulary could enhance the letter. Consider using synonyms or more descriptive language to express the challenges faced.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the problem faced in the routine work effectively, outlining the issue with the new software and requesting assistance. However, it could be improved by providing more specific details about how the software affects productivity and perhaps suggesting a timeline for the requested training. Additionally, the tone could be slightly more formal to align with the task requirements.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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