Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: - explain why you are writing - express concern about the missing card - ask them what they intend to do
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, effectively explaining the issue with the bank card and expressing urgency. Key strengths include a clear identification of the problem and a polite request for assistance. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and coherence. The structural changes made include correcting verb forms, improving transitions between sentences, and ensuring a more formal tone. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying sentence structures and expanding vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining politeness while conveying urgency.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a basic structure, but the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. There are abrupt transitions between sentences, which can confuse the reader. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'I writing', 'it not give me', 'I concern about somone else'). These errors affect the clarity of the message. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'becuse', 'purchasings', 'stressfull', 'useing', 'coud', 'focussing', 'Witout', 'respons') that detract from the overall quality. The writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to improve this score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the reason for writing, expressing concern about the missing card, and asking what the bank intends to do. However, the response lacks clarity in some areas and could be more formally structured. To improve, the writer should ensure a clearer expression of urgency and concern, and maintain a more formal tone throughout.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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