Write a letter to the local council about plans to close a children's playground in your area. In your letter you should say Why children are not using playground Explain how important the playground is for local community Suggest how the playground could be improved
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure, effective argumentation, and an appropriate formal tone. The letter addresses all parts of the task and presents well-developed ideas. Critical areas for improvement involve enhancing lexical variety to avoid repetition and further varying sentence structures for greater grammatical range. Structural changes made include replacing 'children' with 'youngsters' and 'playground' with 'facilities' in some instances to improve lexical resource. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include incorporating more synonyms and varying sentence lengths to enhance readability. The tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining respect and clarity throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. For example, the use of 'Firstly,' 'However,' and 'In conclusion' helps guide the reader through the argument.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are no significant errors that impede understanding, and the sentences are well-formed. Minor improvements could be made by varying sentence structures further, but overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'strongly opposed,' 'valuable resource,' and 'foster a sense of community.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'playground' and 'children,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, clearly explaining why children are not using the playground, the importance of the playground to the community, and suggesting improvements. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter to the local council, and the arguments are well-developed and relevant.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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