Write a letter to the manager of your insurance company. In your letter describe the item you lost explain how you lost it tell the insurance company what you would like them to do

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Dear Manager of Insurance Company, I am writing to you about theregarding an item wthat I lost that it, which is my phone. It is an iPhone 12 Pro Max Gold 256GB. It is a very expensive phone, and cost me a lot of money to buying itpurchase. The phone is new because I buyed it 2, as I bought it only two months ago only from the official Apple store. I lost the phone yesterday evening when I am going back toile I was returning home from work. I go withtook the bus, as usualy. The bus iwas very full and crowded during the evening time. I am standing in the bus. I had to stand because there iwas no place forto siting. I have to standingstood for a long time until my station for get off the busop. When I amwas ready to get off the bus, I canould not find my phone in my pocket. I am searchinged everywhere in the bus but I cancould not find it. I think maybe someonsuspect that someone may have stolen the phone from my pocket, or maybe itit may have falled down when the bus iwas shaking. I want to ask you please to help mould like to request your assistance with this problemissue. I have insurance for this phone from your company. I bought the insurance, which I purchased when I buyought the phone. I payeid a lot of moneysignificant amount for the insurance, so I wantould appreciate you tor help me now please. I want to getin this matter. I would like to either receive a new phone fromthrough the insurance or the money for buyfunds to purchase a new phone. I have all the documents and the recite of buyingeipt for both the phone and the insurance., and I can send ithem to you if you need it.needed. Thank you for your helping. I am waiting for your answer as soon as possiblassistance. I look forward to your prompt response. Yours sincerely, [NAME]
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, effectively describing the lost item, the circumstances of its loss, and the writer's request for assistance. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, as well as a generally appropriate tone for a formal letter. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The explanation of the loss could be clearer and more concise, and the letter contained several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupted coherence. The vocabulary used was somewhat repetitive, and there were instances of incorrect word forms. In the corrected version, I made structural changes to improve clarity and coherence, such as rephrasing sentences for better flow and correcting grammatical errors. I also added transitional phrases to enhance the logical progression of ideas. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring the use of correct word forms. Additionally, they could provide more specific details about the insurance policy to strengthen their request. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for a formal letter, maintaining politeness and professionalism throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a basic structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt coherence. To improve, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'what I lost that it is my phone'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb tenses and sentence constructions.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'buyed' instead of 'bought', 'siting' instead of 'sitting'). The writer could enhance their lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the task requirements by describing the lost item, explaining how it was lost, and stating what the writer wants from the insurance company. However, the explanation of the loss could be clearer and more concise. For improvement, the writer could provide more details about the insurance policy and express the request in a more formal tone.
6.0

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