Write a letter to the museum director to apply for the voluntary/unpaid work. In your letter, explain why you want to do voluntary/unpaid work at the museum describe some skills and qualities you have that would be useful give details of when you would be available for work
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear expression of interest in the position and a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each point. The applicant effectively communicates their availability and relevant skills. Critical areas for improvement include the need for a more formal tone, as well as addressing spelling and grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. The use of linking phrases and varied sentence structures would enhance coherence and cohesion. Structural changes made include correcting the greeting and closing to be more formal, improving the flow between paragraphs with better transitions, and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors were corrected to improve accuracy. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on specific experiences or examples that demonstrate the applicant's skills and providing a more detailed overview of how they can contribute to the museum. The tone used is generally appropriate for a formal letter, but it could be enhanced by using more formal language and expressions throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each point. However, the flow could be improved with better linking phrases and transitions. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. The applicant should also ensure that sentences are varied in structure to improve overall coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'I am writing this letter for applying', 'I pay high attentions', 'I am very exciting about this opportunity'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. The applicant should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement to improve this score.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'volunteery', 'histroy', 'opportunitiy', 'arrangeing', 'catalogging', 'attentions', 'visitor', 'exciting', 'applicaton', 'respond') that detract from the overall quality. The applicant could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. Additionally, using synonyms for repetitive words like 'museum' could enhance lexical variety.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by explaining the applicant's interest in voluntary work, describing relevant skills, and providing availability. However, the tone could be more formal, and there are some minor inconsistencies in the expression of ideas. For improvement, the applicant could use a more formal greeting and closing, and ensure that all points are clearly articulated.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of: - who you are - what happened - ask what you should do to get a new ID card
The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons.
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. Say how you think the company should spend the money.
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
You and your teenage daughter visited the local library last weekend to find books for her school project. After searching for some time, you realized that the library did not have any books on the subject. This is not the first time that the library did not have something you need. Write a letter to the library manager: Describe what you were trying to find Explain why you needed the book and how you tried to find it Suggest what the library can do to help you find the information you need
Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you