Write a letter to the newspaper's editor giving your views on: - whether you prefer reading news online or in print - what you think about stopping the print version - suggest ways to increase sales of the print version Write at least 150 words.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear structure and a well-articulated argument regarding the importance of the print version of the newspaper. The writer effectively conveys personal preferences and provides suggestions for improvement, which aligns well with the task requirements. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the suggestions made, enhancing the overall depth of the argument. Additionally, smoother transitions between points would improve coherence and cohesion, particularly when shifting from personal preferences to broader concerns about the print version. Structural changes made include the addition of clearer linking phrases and the rephrasing of certain sentences for grammatical accuracy and variety. For example, 'in train' was corrected to 'on the train,' and 'bad decision' was changed to 'a bad decision.' These adjustments enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of the writing. Further improvements could include varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition, such as substituting 'reading news' with 'consuming news' or 'print media.' Additionally, providing more detailed examples or statistics to support the claims about the benefits of print media could strengthen the argument. The tone of the letter is appropriate, being respectful and constructive, which is suitable for a letter to the editor. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the writer's concerns and suggestions while maintaining a polite and engaging tone.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from personal preferences to the discussion on stopping the print version could benefit from a clearer linking phrase to enhance flow.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'bad decision' instead of 'a bad decision' and 'in train' instead of 'on the train.' These do not significantly impede understanding but could be improved for greater accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message effectively. There are some repetitive phrases, such as 'reading news' and 'paper version.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, such as 'print media' or 'physical newspaper,' to enhance lexical diversity.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the prompt effectively by discussing preferences for reading news both online and in print, expressing concerns about stopping the print version, and suggesting ways to increase sales. However, the ideas could be developed further with more specific examples or elaboration on the suggestions provided.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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