Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, explain that you would like to apply for the job give some details of any relevant experience that you have specify the days and times that would suit you.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter demonstrates a clear understanding of the task requirements, effectively expressing interest in the job and providing relevant experience and availability. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear intention throughout the letter. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of a more formal tone. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms, improving sentence clarity, and ensuring proper punctuation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and enhancing vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is generally appropriate for a job application, but a more formal approach could further enhance professionalism.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter has a logical structure, with clear sections for the introduction, experience, availability, and closing. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow. For example, 'I was work in small cafe' should be 'I worked in a small cafe'. Improving sentence structure and using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter contains multiple grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ('I was work' should be 'I worked') and punctuation issues (e.g., 'The best time's for me' should be 'The best times for me'). These errors impact clarity and professionalism. To improve, the writer should review basic grammar rules and ensure correct verb tenses and punctuation.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the context, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'sutil' instead of 'suitable', 'kontact' instead of 'contact'). Additionally, phrases like 'I enjoy talkink to people' contain typos that detract from the overall impression. To improve, the writer should focus on spelling accuracy and consider using a wider range of vocabulary.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the task requirements by expressing interest in the job, providing relevant experience, and specifying availability. However, there are some issues with clarity and tone, such as 'I am write for applying' which should be 'I am writing to apply'. To improve, the writer should ensure grammatical accuracy and a more formal tone throughout.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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