Write a letter to your bank manager about a problem with your bank account.

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

To the bank manager, I I am writing this letter because I have a problem with my bank account. I went to the ATM machine yesterday for taking outto withdraw some money, but the machine sayingindicated that there iwas not enough money in my account. This is a big surprise for me because I am always carefull toensure that I havinge enough moneyfunds in themy account. I believe thinks may be this is a misunderstanding or a mistake from the bank. I need you to pleasewould appreciate it if you could checking my account and tell me what is the probleminform me of the issue. If there is reallyindeed no money in the account, I need to know where the moneyfunds have gone. I didhave not makingde any bsig snificant expendingtures recently, so I don not understand why the money is missing. Please let me knowing as soon as possible what is happening with my account. I need to have access to my money forto paying my bills and, buying food, and other important thingcover other essential expenses. If you cannot fixingresolve the problem quickly, I may need to opeconsider opening an account at a different bank instead. Thank you for your helpassistance with this serious issue. I looking forward to your prompt reply. Sincerely, [Your Name]
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear identification of the problem and a polite request for assistance, which is appropriate for the task. The letter maintains a formal tone, which is suitable for correspondence with a bank manager. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present in the original version. Additionally, the vocabulary could be more varied to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing. The overall coherence could be enhanced by improving transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving phrasing for clarity, and ensuring a more formal tone throughout the letter. The introduction was slightly rephrased for clarity, and the request for assistance was made more direct. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific account information, such as the account number, to facilitate the bank's investigation. Additionally, the writer could express the urgency of the situation more explicitly. The tone used is appropriate for the context, maintaining a respectful and formal approach, which is essential when addressing a bank manager.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The letter has a basic structure and presents ideas in a logical order, but the flow is somewhat disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For example, 'I need you to please checking my account' should be 'I need you to please check my account.' Improving the use of cohesive devices and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The letter contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I writing this letter' instead of 'I am writing this letter,' and 'I need to have access to my money for paying my bills' should be 'to pay my bills.' While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of errors affects the overall accuracy and range of grammatical structures used.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'big surprise' and 'money go.' The writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions. For example, instead of 'money go,' they could say 'where the funds have gone.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The letter addresses the problem with the bank account and requests assistance, which is appropriate for the task. However, it lacks some clarity and detail, such as specific account information or a more formal tone. To improve, the writer could include a specific request for a prompt response and clarify the urgency of the situation.
6.0

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