Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday, describe some possible disadvantages, and say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses the prompt by explaining why the friend would enjoy camping, mentioning some disadvantages, and expressing a desire to go camping together. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and spelling, as well as the need for smoother transitions between points. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions with phrases like 'On the other hand,' and adding a suggestion for a specific camping location to provide more detail. Further improvements could involve expanding the vocabulary range and providing more specific examples of activities. The tone used is appropriate for a friendly letter, maintaining a warm and inviting style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the enjoyment of camping to the disadvantages could be more clearly marked. Using cohesive devices like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' would improve the clarity of the argument.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I thinks,' 'you has,' and 'focuss.' These mistakes affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and correct spelling, which would enhance the overall grammatical accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with some good expressions like 'breathing the fresh airs' and 'stargaze.' However, there are several instances of repetitive phrases and minor errors, such as 'you would really much enjoy' and 'the stresses of everyday life.' Expanding the range of vocabulary and correcting these errors would enhance the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the prompt effectively by explaining why the friend would enjoy camping, mentioning some disadvantages, and expressing a desire to go camping together. However, the response could be improved by providing more specific examples of potential camping locations or activities, which would enhance the overall development of ideas.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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