Write a paragraph of about 150 words about the following statements: "Teamwork offers many benefits in modern society"
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the topic of teamwork and its benefits, highlighting key points such as efficiency, relationship building, and stress reduction. However, it lacks depth and specific examples to fully develop these ideas. The structure has been improved by ensuring clear paragraph separation and enhancing transitions between points. Key strengths include a clear understanding of the topic and a logical flow of ideas. Critical areas for improvement include expanding on each benefit with examples and reducing repetition in vocabulary. The tone is appropriate for an academic context, but further vocabulary variety and complex sentence structures would enhance the overall quality. Suggestions for further improvement include incorporating specific examples or personal experiences to illustrate the benefits of teamwork more vividly.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The ideas are generally organized, but the flow could be improved. There are some abrupt transitions between points, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. A clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for each benefit would also help.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are multiple grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('Teamwork offer' should be 'Teamwork offers') and incorrect pluralization ('benefit' should be 'benefits'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, lacking variety. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and incorporating more complex sentences.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is mostly appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'benefit' should be 'benefits', 'beter' should be 'better', 'societe' should be 'society'). The repetition of words like 'teamwork' and 'people' could be reduced by using synonyms or varied expressions. Expanding the range of vocabulary would enhance the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The writing addresses the topic of teamwork and its benefits, providing relevant points such as efficiency, relationship building, and stress reduction. However, it lacks depth and development, as it does not fully explore each benefit or provide specific examples. To improve, the writer could elaborate on each point with examples or personal experiences.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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