Write about good habits.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples of good habits. Key strengths include the identification of specific habits and a basic structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for deeper explanations and development of ideas, as well as smoother transitions between points. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence by adding transition phrases, and enhancing the overall clarity of the writing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating personal anecdotes or statistics to support the claims made about each habit. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' more effectively would enhance clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the main points.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'this good habits'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'exercis', 'practicng'), and punctuation errors. While the meaning is generally clear, these mistakes hinder the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'good habits', 'exercise'). There are also some spelling errors (e.g., 'strongger', 'regulary', 'weekendd') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of good habits and provides examples such as exercise, waking up early, and reading books. However, it lacks depth in explanation and development of ideas. To improve, the writer could elaborate on how each habit specifically contributes to a better life, perhaps by including personal anecdotes or statistics.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."