Write about the following topic: Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing the decline of handwriting and discussing both its positive and negative aspects. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a relevant topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the need for more detailed examples to support the arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing clarity in phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen the arguments and expanding on the discussion of the cultural significance of handwriting. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, the phrase 'for this reasons' should be 'for these reasons.' To improve coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'peoples use' should be 'people use'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'have to write' should be 'had to write'), and awkward sentence structures. While the writer attempts to use complex sentences, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'writting,' 'positiv,' 'cognitiv,' 'disapear') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'write by hand'). The writer demonstrates an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but the errors detract from the overall effectiveness. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling mistakes and aim to use a wider range of synonyms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for the decline in handwriting and presents both positive and negative aspects of this trend. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more detailed examples or personal experiences to support their points.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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